Looking Back

"...but I have focused on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." Philippians 3:13-14

So yesterday I looked back! I found myself remembering my past relationship and the mistakes I made. Yes, I am a new person and I have repented of all that I did to cause harm or pain on the other person and yet there is still a tiny feeling of regret that still lingers. I was told once by a close friend that my ex didn't need to hear anything from me or know that I had forgiven him. And you know maybe he was right, maybe he didn't need to know that. But I was thinking about that today and you know what? Maybe I needed to know I forgave him. Maybe I needed to evaluate what went wrong in order to not go back to that place. I am not regretting being in that relationship itself because I believe it was a learning experience but I do regret some of the decisions I made during the relationship. I see now that I have removed myself not only physically but emotionally from that relationship that it could have worked; only if there was true repentance on both sides. Repentance! There can not be restoration unless their is repentance on both sides! To this day it is not evident that my ex has repented from the sin that he took part in, and how do I know? Because he is the same man he was 2 and 1/2 years ago. How sad. And again some people might tell me to be quiet and move on but you know what? I have. I have moved on and I am blessed where I am today and the growth I have seen in my life from the Lord. I am not the same person that I was 2 1/2 years ago and I have also accepted the mistakes I have made and asked for forgiveness from not only him but from the Lord as well. So yes, I have moved on. And yes, I am happy with the lot that the Lord has dealt me. But I also look back to see and remember where the Lord delivered me from and the promises He has given me. He is faithful and He will always remain faithful even when I am not! And I remember when I look back it is no longer with a longing for my past but with a gratefulness of heart for God's gracious and merciful hand that I can see was upon me. I pray for my ex and I hope for the best for his life. I pray that one day he will be able to look back with out regret or resentment, but with expectations for the future as he is able to see God perfect provision over his own life.
So I pray that as I have learned to move on, that others who are holding on to past loves are able to do the same. The word of God says that, "He will not withold any good thing from those who walk uprightly." (Psalms 84:11) So if that person is no longer in your life, than they are not a good thing for you. It takes time dear friends to let go and allow the Lord to restore your heart. Believe me, I have been through so much with my past relationship and I am so blessed to see that the Lord has delivered me, restored me, refreshed me and is using me for His glory, all because I was obedient and let go! So, let go...don't try to hold on to what the Lord doesn't have for you. By referring to them continually or making it known that you are heart broken by them, you are staying in an imaginary relationship that God has told you to be away from. You are still allowing yourself to be tied to them, when it is God's will for you to be out of this relationship for this season. Because ultimately if it wasn't God's will you would be with them. Remember that God desires obedience over sacrifice (1Samuel 15:22). By holding on to them they become an idol and God will not allow that to continue for long, He does chasten those He loves. When you are hurting and missing them, pray!!!!! Pray for them, every aspect of their lives...pray until the Lord tells you to stop. I prayed every single day for my ex for 2 years, and it wasn't until recently I cut the prayers for him in half. My heart belongs to another now and as we are being knit together I cannot allow anything to come between us, including my own flesh.

So I pray that you take a step of faith and let go because what the Lord has for you is good.

Blessings,
Angelia